Streams of Consciousness
by Circe
Summary: Hermione, then Harry, reflect on recent changes recently. Year Seven.


**AN:This is what I see being in Harry's and Hermione's minds, once they've realized pretending to be "just" best friends is pointless. Actions, reactions and that fluffy stuff too!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Harry, Hermione and any other characters mentioned belong to JK Rowling. A couple of lines belong to Bear.**

**  
  
Hers:**

Sometimes people ask me, "Isn't it strange, being his best friend, and knowing so much about each other, before you became something more?"

Usually, I just brush that off, because they really don't want to know, they just think our relationship has always been odd and just keeps getting more so. Or if they're some of the gossipy ones, I know they're just hoping I'll let something spicy slip.out But sometimes, I really do wonder, how _have_ we managed to make the change, without remembering all the things we used to tell each other

On the other hand, it could be that we _do_ know so much about each other, and not always things you'd want the person you're in love with to know. He's seen me do some pretty foolish things, like trying to take on too much, using the time turner. What a horrible year that was for me, what I can remember of it, I was either crying about something, or angry with most of the world year. Ron was so impatient with me, and so mean about Crookshanks. I don't think he ever, to this day, knows how many times he hurt my feelings over the years. Even if he did get angry when someone else attacked anything I said or did, just plain old friendship and understanding would have helped a lot more.

Harry was never like that. He thought I was acting crazy sometimes, and he told me so, right out. But I heard him, even though he didn't think I did, asking Ron why he couldn't just give me a break? I know he was furious with me about the Firebolt, but he never acted as if he held a grudge. Later on he told me, once he'd cooled down, he knew I couldn't have done anything else, caring about him the way I did.

We fought the way we felt for a long time. I know now, there were so many times he wanted to tell me his feelings weren't just those of a friend anymore. I'm sure he could sense the same about me. A lot of it was just who we were, and what we felt our own identities are. Neither of us felt we would ever be physically attractive. I was always, in my mind, only the bushy haired girl with too many teeth and brains. Harry had grown up feeling everything was wrong about himself, and finding out he was known everywhere for something he didn't remember, only made things worse.

So, for a long time, neither of us felt we were liked for ourselves, and that everyone looked at our physical selves, and shook their heads. We pretty much hung onto our friendship, the way it had always been, so that we had _someone_ who loved the real Harry and Hermione, not The Hero and The Brain

.The funny thing is, since we've admitted our feelings for each other, and are ridiculously happy and openly in love, other people look at each of us as if there's something they overlooked. I can see girls looking at him, I mean actually studying him, and I don't like it. He says the same thing happens with me, but I haven't noticed it myself yet. All I ever cared about was having him look at me.

I think the only tough thing is that I can't hide anything from him. Oh, I don't mean there's anything really deep to hide, just the little things that happen sometimes that you aren't too proud of about yourself. Harry's gotten really good about telling me how he feels. I admire that a lot. He says it's been harder than facing Voldemort, in some ways, and I can see why.  
I've always been a person who didn't like to admit anything was wrong, who'd just cover up, change the subject. Eventually most people learn to give up, and start assuming you either don't have any problems, or that you deal with them easily. Harry always knew that wasn't true though. 

Now that we're so close, he can sense my feelings, and sometimes my thoughts, to an extent that's not always comfortable. Even though he says having to "dig" things out of me isn't his choice of a way to spend time together, he always does it. I can't brush him off, change the subject, or get mad and disappear, because he just won't let me. People would probably laugh so hard, if they knew how much of the time they think we spend doing Sages knows what, is actually spent analyzing something that's happened. But we get through it, we never play games, and I am finally learning, he will love me no matter what, he won't just disappear if I'm less than perfect.

I never expected loving Harry Potter would be uncomplicated, and he certainly knew how much trouble I could be. Just this morning he told me, "You're quite a handful, good thing I love you so much!"But we both agree, we wouldn't switch with any of the people we see who are just going along not thinking, and playing the games people do with each other.  
To everyone else, I might still be "the brain" but with him, I'm his sunshine, the one who makes everything right, and when he looks at me and tells me he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, I believe it. I don't_ have_ to have Harry tell me these things anymore, because my confidence is so much better now. But I love_ being _beautiful for him, and waking up each day knowing the world is wonderful because he's in it, and he loves me.

  
My world may not be the logical place it once was, but it's also a far happier, warmer, and...... well, I'll just say, Harry makes me happy in absolutely every possible way, and as long as I can do the same for him, logic can just stay down there as one of the less important facts of life.Hermione's getting "the questions" again.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**His:**

I can see it on her face, they're asking what it's like with us. I knew it would be like this, and I knew it would irritate the hell out of both of us. What I didn't know, or wouldn't let myself think, was that they wouldn't give up.

I know it's normal to sit around with your friends, analyzing your relationship with your, what is it lately, _significant other_? Hermione and I have always had this unspoken agreement not to though. It goes back to the Rita Skeeter days, when we got written about and talked about, when there wasn't much to talk about, other than being best friends, and spending all that time with the Summoning Charm.

Hermione would do anything to protect me from harm. I know that, I'd do the same for her. What I don't know is why I can't just let her. Sometimes I can feel myself relax, when we've been together, and just not even think. I know there's probably no one cleverer, and if any harm faced us, her adrenalin level would make her a formidable enemy. So, for those few minutes, I just... love her. Our world, the one that we've created just for ourselves, is all that exists.

Unfortunately, those minutes don't last nearly long enough, and I'm back, on guard. The minutes do give me a chance to refuel though. I wonder if she really knows how much strength I get from her, and our times that are for only us. Probably so. There's not much she doesn't know. There was a time when she wouldn't hesitate to tell me how much she knows, but that's not really necessary now.

There are times when I sort of cringe, knowing the person I love above everyone else knows exactly what a git I have, and still can be. Doesn't seem to matter though. She'll still tell me off, f she has to, but there's that subtle difference. The fact that she usually does the telling off while she's hugging me as hard as she can, and usually follows it up with some of her own brand of kisses, doesn't exactly hurt either!

We still tease each other about our earliest days. How Ron and I tried to avoid her. How unbelieving she had been, at first, to find out that Harry Potter, the wizard she'd read about in every book she could find, was more clueless about the wizarding world than she'd been since the day she got her Hogwarts Letter. And that hug, when we were trying to find the Stone.She nearly crushed me! You'd have thought she had been training to be a Beater!

She's not that much bigger than she was when we dropped through that trapdoor. Unfortunately, neither am I. Funny how much better it looks on her, than on me. I've gotten taller, though not by a tremendous amount, and any muscles I have are the long, stretchy ones. Nope, you won't see anyone standing around admiring my bulk. Hermione's strong too. A lot more than she looks, even without the abovementioned adrenalin surge. I know a lot of the endurance she's built up is partly to reassure me that she can take care of herself. I try to tell myself I'd let her, but I know my first instinct would be to jump between her and any danger.

We've done well, not shutting Ron out, I think. At least he says so. That was just one of the things that kept us from admitting to each other that our feeelings had gone through a pretty intense change. We've all had our individual problems with each other, but we all know too, keeping the friendship intact is unquestionably important. Hermione and I have found ways to get past being, as she calls us The Hero and The Brain, mostly together, but Ron's been a big part of it too.He had to get past some things too.It always struck me as ironic that we'd become best friends, when the things we valued least about ourselves were what the other envied most. Or thought we did, earlier.

I guess I'll go get Hermione now, and we'll go down to the Quidditch pitch, for a little practice. She's finally discovered she actually _likes_ flying, not as a subject in school she knows she'll have to do passably well, in order to have the maxium results on her N.E.W.T.S. Hermione's discovered the freedom and the joy that comes from flying for it's own sake, something we'd never have known if we hadn't been taken from the muggle lives we grew up in. I love seeing her face when she soars into the air, and even sometimes attempts some movement that would have turned her whiter than Moaning Myrtle, not that long ago.

I can't help noticing, being the ragingly hormonal seventeen year old that I am, Hermione's not dressing quite the way she used to. Nothing drastically different, thank the Sages, but there are little differences. It's impossible to not notice that there's a woman's body under those cute jeans and little tops. I don't get specific, but I can see how happy she looks when I tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the world to me. And I'm only human, can you imagine what this does for me, knowing she wants to be beautiful for me, since that sort of thing didn't seem to occur to her until we'd admitted our friendship had taken on an entirely new and exciting aspect.

But then, that's a whole other story, isn't it?

  
Thanks to the Ship of Organization, who inspired this. 


End file.
